jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
