Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
