My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
