im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
