Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
