meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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