That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
