another moral hangover. fuck.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
All I want is dick and wine.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
