Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
