1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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