I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
