Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize