weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
