No stitches, just platelets and will power
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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