remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
