who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
