i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
