Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
