I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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