the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Randomize
