Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
