i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We have started to decorate penises.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
