awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
