I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
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I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
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That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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