you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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