I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Watching her eat just hurts me
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
