maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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