two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
