Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
