i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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