My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
How's work?
Spinning.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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