ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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