Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
