New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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