you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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