you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
