Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(908): View more from New Jersey

my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation

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(917): View more from New York City

half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.

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(904): View more from Florida

you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.

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(281): View more from Texas

Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.

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(274): View more from Wisconsin

Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place

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(607): View more from New York

Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!

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(248): View more from Michigan

I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.

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(515): View more from Iowa

We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket

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