i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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