Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
