just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize