I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
