Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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