Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Randomize
