I swear she didn't look like that last week.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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