Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
