Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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