If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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