remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
