Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
