Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
