dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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