I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
