When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize