I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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