i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
