i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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