I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
