i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
