I think I won the penis lottery.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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