it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
