he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
