Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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