She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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