I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
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I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
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Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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