Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
