plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
