I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
