I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS