we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.