she woke up with a sticky ear
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?