Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
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He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
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It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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