i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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