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• (810): View more from Michigan

  That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.

  (810): View more from Michigan

  I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.

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• (818): View more from California

  I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.

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• (231): View more from Michigan

  Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins

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• (808): View more from Hawaii

  I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.

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  19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.

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• (252): View more from North Carolina

  We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean

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• (850): View more from Florida

  I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.

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• (216): View more from Ohio

  I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.

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  25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To

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• (307): View more from Wyoming

  I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays

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• (504): View more from Louisiana

  No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck

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• (716): View more from New York

  I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube

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• (937): View more from Ohio

  Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking

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