.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.