I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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