my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize