Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Small penises have feelings too.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
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He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
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He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
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