me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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