the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
