Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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