I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
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