***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
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