i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
