Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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