i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
My penis needs a shock collar
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
