I want to walk on stilts...naked
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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