with your own penis?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
