is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
