she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
