I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
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I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
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She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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