went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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