We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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